Rewards

I am trying something out that I am not in favor of all. I am using rewards to try and improve my four-year-old's behavior. I am facing many challenging issues with him right now. Mostly typical preschooler things; not listening, being too rough, wandering off, creating huge messes, and so on.

We sat down together and made some charts of good things to do and bad things to do. If he does the good things, he gets to earn computer/tv time. If he does the bad things on the list, he loses the computer/tv time. I am using small rocks in a jar. Each rock is worth 15 minutes of computer/tv time. He gets to start the day with four rocks.

The charts are simple and he came up with all the ideas himself. Good things include doing schoolwork, practicing writing, helping with dishes, reading, and sweeping the floor. Bad things include hitting, saying mean things, biting, and (this is my biggie) not listening.

Today was our first day and it has not gone well at all. He had lost all four rocks within an hour. I thought maybe I was being too harsh, but losing fifteen minutes of computer time for biting your brother's head seems reasonable to me. I know he is testing me out today and I really don't like the feeling of being in a battle of the wills with a preschooler, but I am ready for him to start learning some self control so the time we spend together can go back to being positive and happy.

I didn't want to start using the things he likes to do as a reward for good behavior, because it isn't my ideal style of parenting. It's not who I want to be. But at the same time, I would like to have the energy and willpower to do the fun things with my kids. I have two other children that I need to be playing with and teaching and I can't do that when my day is full of keeping the Big Boy in line.

We will see if any of it works or if it is all just pointless. I know that even if his behavior improves we will likely be changing strategies in a few months, but my main goal is to help him develop better self control and self regulation which are both things that I lack at times.