Hanna

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/44736685/ns/us_news-crime_and_courts/t/police-adopted-child-was-starved-left-outside-die/

I haven't blogged in quite a few days and the above article is why. I keep wanting to sit down and write something about this tragedy, but simply can't find the words. I keep starting and stopping to delete everything because it simply doesn't seem adequate enough.

I have been following many comments in the news stories and on adoption message boards. People grieve in different ways and there has been an outpouring of grief from the Ethiopian adoption community, but at the same time there is an undercurrent that makes me uncomfortable. I have seen many, many comments from adoptive parents about how they are grieving for what happened, but they are very focused on the possible negative repercussions for adoptive parents. They are worried that adoptive parents of Ethiopian children will all get painted with a broad brush and universally condemned. This may happen, but I think this is missing the point. The adoption community should be focusing on how to stop this from happening again.

Parents adopting from Ethiopia are required to submit to a home study process. A social worker schedules visits with you and then writes a report to submit to the adoption agency explaining why you are qualified to adopt. I have never heard of anyone being turned down. The fact is you can say whatever you want to a social worker. You can coach your current children to say whatever you want them to say. A home study as it is done now is never going to weed out abusive parents. In fact, the main thing most parents worry about before their home study is making sure their house is spotless, but not too spotless. You don't want to look neurotic.

So what is the answer? How can adoption agencies ensure that children do not end up in abusive homes? I think a couple of unannounced visits from a social worker should be the norm and I think the children in the house should be expected to speak with the social worker unaccompanied by their parents. If parents are unwilling to allow their children to speak privately with the social worker, this should be a red flag. (This may already be the case. Big Boy wasn't talking when we went through the adoption process. The social worker sat on the floor and played with him for awhile.) I also think parents should submit names of people who can recommend them and rather than having them write a letter the social worker should contact them by phone or in person for an interview. But even if these simple measures were put in place, possible abusers could still end up being approved.

I think it is also critical that prospective adoptive parents are educated on the challenges and risks of older child adoption. We consider ourselves good parents, but we did not feel like we could handle or were prepared for the challenges of adopting an older child. Unfortunately, too many people take on this challenge without knowing, or maybe without accepting, that it may turn out to be a very difficult experience. It may be roses and sunshine or you may spend years questioning your decision as your life is forever altered by a young person who has many issues that you weren't prepared to handle appropriately. Education before you adopt and education after you adopt. There needs to be more support groups and more parenting classes to help parents with the unique challenges of adopting older children. 

I thought an adoptive parent on a message board hit on a fantastic idea. Older adoptees should have a phone number or emergency contact that speaks Amharic that they can call and check in with at least once a week. If the child misses a planned call, the social worker should be sent to check up on the family to make sure the child is okay. This won't help toddlers/babies, but it would be a measure that will help older kids who are forced into a new culture and new language have a support system if they need help. How do you call 911 if you have never heard of it and don't speak English? Who do you tell about abuse if you are isolated and don't have any friends? I am sure there are parents that would see this as an unnecessary and obtrusive measure, but I would be willing to participate in such a system if it saved one child.

Sadly, none of these things may have saved Hanna because her parents were followers of a depraved and sadistic child abuser. I don't know how to stop that except to educate people that the teachings of the Pearls are abhorrent. Yes, your children may obey you without question after you beat the living daylights out of them with plastic tubing, but is it worth it in the end? Are you prepared to see your grand babies getting beat with a plastic tube also? Are you prepared for your children to turn into adults who are too scared to think for themselves or speak out against injustice? Do you want your children growing up with fury in their hearts?

Please keep Hanna in your thoughts and if you can please donate some time or money to organizations working to end child abuse.