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Monday, July 18, 2011

Babysitting

An interesting article. This isn't about adoption, but I have had similiar experiences.
http://www.cnn.com/2011/OPINION/07/18/arce.latino.mother/index.html

Many parents that I know have kids that don't "match" them. Some of these children were adopted and others have parents of two different races. Even two people of the same race can produce an offspring that doesn't look like them. My two bio kids look like their dad's side of the family and my adopted son is a different race. I often get asked by strangers if I am babysitting. I have been asked if I work for a daycare. I have had someone tell me that it is very nice of me to take on someone else's kid even though I was already busy with two of my own.

There is obviously a racial element to some comments because my son and I are of different races, but I wouldn't call the people making these comments racist or even prejudiced. They are making assumptions about the relationship between two people and that is something that will start to change as Americans become more comfortable with the reality of adoptive families and multiracial families. The best thing I can do is politely correct people and explain that he is my son and I am not the babysitter. By politely correcting people when they make assumptions, I can help more people realize that not all families "match."

It is especially important to answer questions from children at the playground and other places. I have been asked some incredibly nosey and rude questions by kids under the age of ten! One little girl once asked if Little Man's real mommy was dead. Yikes! Luckily he was just a baby when that happened and I was easily able to talk to her about adoption and what that means. I hope her paradigm about what a family looks like was changed by our conversation.

I hope to set a good example to Little Man that adoption is a source of pride and there is nothing wrong with telling people. I have come across strangers who help him with this process. Just the other day a cashier was grinning at him and when we were done checking out she leaned over and quietly asked me if he was adopted. I told her he was. She then gave him a high five and said, "I was adopted too and it is so cool to be adopted!" He was smiling from ear to ear.

2 comments:

Kim said...

That is so cool to run into people like that!

Sarah said...

That cashier? is awesome!

The article was an interesting read. I find it weird that folks assume that a woman and a child in her care are not related. I've had playground conversations with several women who I assumed were the moms, only to find out that later in the conversation that they were nannies. There are way too many multiracial families for folks to make assumptions. My own experience of having a child that looks little like my husband influences this. With another baby boy on the way, we wonder what mix this child will have. It's possible that our boys will look nothing alike. It's possible others will assume my husband or I are babysitting, or have adopted. We share see...